TRT: 5:48

Transcript

Linus Loughry, Reporter: Have you ever wanted to approach someone at a bar or outside on the weekend, but didn’t have the guts? Data shows that almost half of young men aren’t making the first move anymore, while most young women want them to. This is often driven by fear of being labeled as weird or creepy. But how did we get here? Welcome to the podcast. I’m Linus Loughry. On today’s show, approach anxiety.

Matteis Jahde: Even if you don’t think you’re doing anything weird, it could come off as weird to the girl. You have to take that in mind. You don’t want to say the wrong thing or present yourself as creepy.

Reporter: That was Matteis Jahde, a sophomore majoring in statistics and data science, who said he experiences anxiety that prevents him from approaching a woman he’s interested in. 

Jahde: I just get really nervous and, you’re scared. You don’t want to get rejected. And especially, if you’re at a party or something, it would just damper the whole rest of your night for you if you go up to a girl and it doesn’t work out. So that’s why I personally like when they just come to me.

Reporter: Jahde remembers a specific interaction he had that reinforced his reasons for not approaching women.

Jahde: There was one time I was at the bar, and I was like okay, I’m gonna go up and talk to this girl. And then she was like, oh, should we go buy drinks and stuff? So I was like yeah sure. And so I go with her, I buy her a drink and she got the drink and instantly walked away from me and never talked to me again. That was at the beginning of this year, so that really put a damper on me. And that really made me nervous to go talk to other girls after that.

Reporter: Jahde thinks the rise of social media has created additional risks for men when approaching women.

Jahde: Not only do you get the embarrassment of getting rejected, but it could end up on social media where it’s like now that’s widespread, where before it was just like, maybe you are embarrassed and your friends will make fun of you for it. But then if it gets posted online, then it’s like you have hundreds, thousands of people making fun of you and stuff.

Reporter: Ryan Donzinger, a sophomore journalism major, also experiences anxiety when he initiates conversation with a romantic interest.

Ryan Donzinger: I get worried that my body language says or does something that I don’t want it to do. Or sometimes I think, oh, maybe there’s some social cues that I don’t really see. And sometimes there’s just like, oh, I don’t really know how to read this person.

Reporter: Tucker Kalmus, a senior art practices major, thinks it’s common for young men to experience approach anxiety.

Tucker Kalmus: I think everybody has where it’s like, you see someone, you’re like, man, I want to go talk to them, but you have a reason not to. Or maybe there’s always a reason not to, right? And that gets in the way and there’s, it’s easy to make excuses about it.

Reporter: Evelyn Barnett, a sophomore international affairs major, has noticed that young men aren’t approaching women very often. 

Evelyn Barnett: I wish more people would approach and, sometimes I feel like I have to do that instead, which is like, it’s fine, but I would rather the guy make the first move and stuff.

Reporter: Barnett sees a fine line between approaches that are acceptable and those that aren’t. 

Barnett: I was at Ados and I think I was sitting at a table or something, standing at a table, talking to my friends, and this guy comes up to me and just grabs me, and grabs my waist. So, that’s a horrible way to approach girls.

Reporter: Barnett explained another time a guy hit on her, and how he successfully got her number. 

Barnett: I was walking back from class and he was on a Lime scooter, and then he did a little jump on the Lime scooter and I was like, what? And then he got off of it and started walking really close behind me. And then he complimented my shirt, which I was just wearing, a long sleeve white t-shirt. And he was like, oh, we’re matching. And then he pulled out, he was wearing a sweatshirt, but I guess he was wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath it. But he was nice. I think it was just kind of awkward. And maybe there was a language barrier there too, because he was from Puerto Rico or something. That was one of the only times that a guy has come up to me in broad daylight and wanted to ask for my number and stuff. So I liked that, but him lingering behind me and doing the Lime jump right before he started talking to me was a little weird. But it was nice.

Reporter: Brooke O’Brien, a sophomore majoring in political science and American studies, was recently at a lacrosse game when a young man approached her.

Brooke O’Brien: We have a class together, but we’ve never spoken in the class, and this was the first time that I’ve seen him outside of class. But he started telling me about how on a day I wasn’t in class, our professor was calling him racist. I don’t like when people don’t understand how on a different wavelength we are. If it’s 6 p.m. with all the students and parents around at our small lacrosse stadium, probably not the right place to be shouting in my face and just very drunk and shouting about racism in general. I’m thinking, what are all the people around us thinking that we’re talking about?

Reporter: O’Brien wishes men had the courage to approach her more often, but she doesn’t blame them entirely.

O’Brien: I think that speaks more about society than about them as individuals. I don’t think that men should be put down for everything they do or for being boys, that’s okay. But I just think it’s sad. I think there’s a lot less social connection in general.

Reporter: For the young men out there seeking romantic connection, remember to keep shooting your shot, and have fun with it. Thank you for listening, I’m Linus Loughry.