2020 was going to be my year. I was studying abroad in my dream city of Paris, my family was going to visit me for my parent’s 30th wedding anniversary, my brother was turning 18, I was turning 21 and starting my senior year of college. Many of these events had been things I had dreamed about and planned for for easily over a decade. My expectations were high. 

Then, COVID-19 became my worst enemy. My 21st birthday was not spent visiting the famous Boulder bars. My parents couldn’t celebrate 30 years of marriage in the City of Love. Senior college football season came and went without seeing my beloved Ralphie. A global pandemic really kicked my expectations to the curb. Letting go of plans I had been excited about since childhood proved to be quite the challenge. Part of me still feels a little bit cheated by the universe, though I know it’s not personal.

In the past, I’ve received advice to not have any expectations; to let what may come, come. That’s always seemed like a pessimistic way of living to me. Why not have expectations? It allows you to be excited, especially about the future. Yet, this year fell far short of my original expectations, a feeling I’m sure many can relate to.

After 2020 squashed many of my expectations, I started to think that maybe those people who told me not to have any were right—maybe I should hold no expectations for the future. I shut down dreams of my 25th birthday in my adorable San Francisco studio with lots of champagne, joined by my BFFs. I stopped thinking about gossiping with coworkers at my dream job. I lost any feeling of being shocked by another dropped expectation. 

Although I tried, I couldn’t help having expectations. Like my graduation day: it won’t be what I thought it would when I began college, but I still expect to have a great day with friends and family. Thinking more than I ever have about what expectations I hold, I’m starting to realize that the problem isn’t having expectations, the problem is what kind of expectations I have. It’s normal to imagine what my 25th birthday will look like, but instead of expecting friends and champagne, I’m expecting to have fun on that day, whatever it looks like.

Having high expectations kept me from enjoying what went on right in front of me. I was so bummed about being sent home from Paris early that I forgot how good of a time I had while there. I fixated on not spending my birthday out all night that I almost missed the great day I planned for me and my friends. 

Thanks to the pandemic, we all experienced events we thought would go differently. I’m sure millions of expectations have not been met over the past year. That’s OK. It’s OK to be disappointed something didn’t work out how you hoped it would. It’s not okay to let unrealized expectations ruin your day when you could be having a great time. Instead of brooding over what could have been, celebrate your second COVID-19 birthday well, strut across that graduation stage with no audience, think about the good times over the rough ones.

There is really no telling what the next few months will look like. I’d love for things to go back to what they were pre-pandemic, but I have no control over that. Rather, I’m going to set my expectations to try new things over the summer and to grab opportunities that present themselves. My energy will be focused on enjoying the moment, whatever that moment might happen to look like.